According to Cosmo

These are the 40 things you ladies could learn about me in ten minutes:

• I am an independent thinker, usually on the sensitive side, because I don't like sports.


• Loyalty is one of my strong suits, but it will take a while for you to win my trust because I have long lasting friendships.


• I'm self-sufficient and independent because I pay with cash.


• I could be a hard nut to crack because I don't like phones. (Somehow this means I'm inscrutable)


• I'm an earthy, laid-back guy who likes equally laid-back, low-maintenance chicks, because I like women who don't dress up every night.


• I'm likely to have more self-control because I don't have road rage.


• I'm steady and dependable, but also a little unadventurous because I like steak and potatoes.


• I'm looser and more open-minded because I'm neither a neat freak nor an obsessive compulsive hoarder.


• I'm analytical and thoughtful because I don't watch sitcoms.


• I'm usually a responsible, take-charge kind of guy because I'm the first born of my brood.


• I'm likely to let you steer the relationship at least some of the time because I don't always insist on driving.


• I'm a low-key, less conceited guy. I might be less ambitious, but I'm easier to connect with emotionally because I'm not superficial. This is because I'm not a narcissistic freak who checks out his own reflection every ten seconds.


• I might be trying to intimidate you because I make eye contact when speaking to you.


• I typically play it safe because I don't talk a mile a minute.

Now, those math majors out there, or really anyone who's capable of counting to fourteen, you might notice that there aren't forty things listed here. That would be because Cosmo writers apparently think that if you could learn one of three possible outcomes from a single observation that all three count instead of just one. It would appear that Cosmo writers aren't math majors.

Also, if you're like me, you're also looking at some of these things you could "learn" and thinking, "Dude, seriously?" I don't like sports, so therefore I'm sensitive? What? Isn't that a wildly sweeping generalization that is as likely to be untrue as it is to be true? I won't go so far as to say Cosmo writers are misandronous, but they sure think we men are predictable.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't read Cosmo? At the very least don't take it too seriously.