I may not be a hermit, but going out for much of anything has been a harder sell with me for a while. This comes back to my problem with introversion. Recharging is a thing I need to do, especially after a work day of being around people. I don't understand the idea of going directly from work to a happy hour because to me that's just like staying at work but with a beer, admittedly slightly better, but still draining on me. What I want, after work, is time to go home, be alone, and recharge. However, in an effort to not become a hermit, I often have plans, which is to say I always have plans, which lately is biting me in the ass.
If it really was up to me, I'd go home right now, jump on my couch, and do nothing remotely social or work related for probably weeks at a time. I don't have that luxury, so I work. I also want to stay in shape and see my friends at least once in a while, so I go to classes and see my friends. Also, my girlfriend would probably be upset if I didn't see her once in a while too.
So when do I recharge? That's a good question. I haven't been recharging much at all lately, and that's something I've realized I have to change. Sadly It's coming out of my Capoeira schedule, but I need that night off. I also managed to get into a work at home deal, which is all the work of work, with a tenth of the stress of work because I'm home, completely alone, and that is apparently good for my mental health. I am trying, I really am, but sometimes it's still just not enough.
It's important to note that I actually do still like going out and doing stuff. Bars, movies, dinners, parties, etc, I still like these things. I don't want anyone thinking I've gone off the deep end and don't enjoy stuff, I just need to factor in a couple of things, my introverted nature first. Second is my anxiety in groups. If I'm out with one person, I'm perfectly comfortable; two people, still ok; three people, mostly ok; once you hit four people, I start to get uncomfortable. If you factor in the "do I know this person" variable, that all changes. If I'm out with four people I know I'm far more comfortable than I am with even one person I don't know. This is an obnoxious but real factor in my scale of comfort for going out.
For all my protesting about liking going out, sometimes, I don't wanna. Sometimes that one more thing I'm not sure about just causes my anxiety to drop into overdrive. I don't like that, but it is a reality. If I say no to something that sounds reasonable to you, I've probably just hit that point where I can't take any more social. So please don't take it personally if I turn you down for a social gathering, or even just dinner. Even if I can't take going out, I do appreciate the thought. When my mental health is on track, you will see me again.
Ultimately, I want to be invited out. I may not bite often, it may seem pointless, but I'm not trying to be a hermit, I promise. I will come out sometimes, and I will be happy to see you.
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