Fuck you M. Knight Shamwow

I'm not gonna lie. I love Avatar. The series on Nick, not the over-hyped piece of soft-core, blue-person porn that James Cameron put out. It was a brilliant show: clever, funny, fun, excellently crafted, with characters that grew, evolved, and learned. It was both ridiculously funny and incredibly epic, and without hyperbole it is one of the best shows ever made.

Though Nick did its usual thing and screwed around with schedules, nearly took the show off the air without finishing it, and generally did a bad job, it still ended up being spectacular. Beloved by all the show ended its run on Nick as one of its most popular shows.

Realizing that they could try to squeeze blood from the Avatar stone, and figuring that they could rely on a big name director, they turned to M. Night Shyamalan, who shall forever be referred to as M. Night Shamwow, as their guy. In typical Shamwow style, he promised the world.

He delivered a steaming pile of shit.

Ok, you have a show with millions of fans. They know the series from beginning to end, they love the characters, they want to see this series converted into a move befitting the show. You have the entire series as a guide. Clearly you can't do everything the show did, but keeping to the spirit of the show should not be difficult.

Step one: If a character named Aang is pronounced like "bang", then you do not decide to have Aang pronounced like "bong". Neither do you decide to have almost every single name in the movie pronounced differently from it was in the series. You are going from a TV show to a movie! This isn't a book! There is no question of how to pronounce the name! It's already been done! Changing this is fucking retarded!

Step two: If a character like Aang is a goofy, funny, fun little kid who loves nothing more than to play, then don't make him into a dour, boring, little bastard that no one could like. In fact, keep the personalities of all the characters as close to what they were as possible, because that's what the characters are supposed to be like!

Step three: If a character with a dark past has a huge burn scar on his face that no one could possibly miss, don't replace it with what may as well be a shaving cut.

Step four: If a character is a jolly old, short, fat guy, do not replace him with a goddamn tall, muscular, and serious guy!

Step five: If a show is, by and large, funny, then your movie should be funny! If it's dull, slow, and utterly without humor, then you've done something very wrong.

If you're worried about spoilers, don't, because all of that shit happens in the first five minutes of the fucking movie. There's a whole hour and a half left to fuck up.

I could go on, and Jesus I could go on, but I think I've made my point. Shamwow, by my guess, probably never saw more than bits of the series when his kids watched it and raved about it. He then read the text synopsis of like six episodes and changed whatever he felt like so he could make the series conform to his opinion of how the show should have been.

If Shamwow was to throw a rock and his target was the entire planet Earth he couldn't have missed the target worse if he had thrown the rock directly into the fucking Sun! Shamwow now joins Uwe Boll on the list of people who should be banned from making movies.

One last thing. Repeat after me: "3-D is a gimmick." It was a gimmick in the '50s and today it is a more technologically advanced gimmick. Until we get true 3-D movies, and I mean holographic movies, I'm going to save the money and see the 2-D versions.